Dealing with Grief

Do not feel ashamed or embarrassed about having an emotional response to the death of your pet. This is normal and it would be surprising if you felt no sense of grief. Bereavement can be a confusing and trying time and we would like to offer the following advice:

Denial

It is common to refuse to accept that a loved one has died. This is particularly true if the death was sudden and unexpected. If the animal has died away from home, asking the vet to let you see the body can sometimes help you to come to terms with the unfortunate reality.

Anger

Anger is a common sequel to loss. The bereaved feels anger towards the vet, the person who ran the dog over, or even towards fate for what is perceived as an unfair loss.

Grief

Grief manifests itself as sorrow and a longing for the pet that is gone. No matter how unlikely it seems at the time, after a period of weeks or months, your grief will subside to a manageable level. It is scientifically accepted that for some people the loss of a pet is as traumatic as the loss of a family member. If your grief persists for an excessive period of time or is such that it is emotionally crippling you, seek professional help. A clergyman, social worker or even your vet may be able to help.

Acceptance

With time comes acceptance. For some people a "ceremony" is needed to finalise the parting. Unfortunately the burying of your pet in the garden is prohibited by a local municipal by law. Envirocin offers a number of special services allowing you to say goodbye with love and cherish the memory of a much loved companion.

Guilt

Many people feel guilty after the loss of a pet. If you know that you did everything possible for your pet, accept that sometimes an injury or illness is too severe for survival and nothing you could have done will change this. If you really did do something careless such as leaving a gate open , do not berate yourself. Turn it into a positive experience by making sure of what you can do to prevent a similar fate befalling your other pets that you may have in the future.

Relief

Relief is often felt when the pet has been suffering a lot, been very trying to nurse or when the owner has been struggling to decide whether or not to euthanase. Most owners are horrified to find that they are a bit relieved by their pets death. Do not feel guilty about this. Relief is normal when an unpleasant situation has come to an end. Your relief in no way diminishes your grief.

Euthanasia

There will be times that your vet advises you that your pet has no reasonable hope of recovery or old age will have so diminished the quality of his life that euthanasia is the kindest option. Do not feel guilty about this if you have given him a good life, you owe him an easy death. Speak to your vet about whether you should be present or not. Usually the pet is comforted by the presence of the owner, but if you are going to "break down" you might cause the pet more distress. If the pet is already in hospital do let the vet know if you wish to be with you pet or even if you want to come and say goodbye.

Should you get another pet?

This is a decision no one can make for you. As an animal-lover sooner or later you will want another pet - remember he is an individual - do not put him at a disadvantage by expecting him to be just like the pet he is replacing.

Helping the children cope

How you broach the pet's death will depend on the age of the child and his previous experience with death. However here are some do's and don'ts:
- Children identify strongly with pets.
- Be truthful during their illness.
- If you tell a child "theres nothing to worry about" and the pet dies the child could be traumatised when he receives the same reassurance before a routine operation that he has to undergo.
- Never tell the child that he is acting like a baby - show him that it is all right to express his feelings.
- Children are inquisitive. They may ask detailed and repetitive questions about death. If you cannot answer, ask your clergyman or vet to help. When you first got the pet you may have lectured to the child on how the pet was his responsibility.
- Be sure now that he knows that he is not responsible in any way for the death.

Helping children cope If the pet is lost through euthanasia

Be careful of the reason you give the child. Saying that the pet was put to sleep because it was too naughty could cause him to become anxious about his own fate or that of an elderly relative. Emphasise the shorter life span of the pet, its inability to make decisions for itself and the hopelessness of further recovery. If you don't the child will, once again be frightened for his own safety should he be ill or injured.

Should the child view the body?

Watching euthanasia could comfort the child as he sees how painless death is. However, it may make him scared of injections. Decide according to the childs age and ability to understand. If the pet has died at the vet, letting the child see the body might be a good way of introducing him to death. If the pet died as a result of a trauma and the body is badly mutilated it is best not to let younger children view the body. Tell them that it is best to remember the pet the way he was.